Forgive me for being a bit obvious here: Natural Parenting came pretty naturally to us. When I look at the list of principles that make up the natural parenting philosophy, I identify with so many of them that it’s hard for me to think of just one that might resonate more than another. I can’t even really pinpoint how or when I came to incorporate them into my life. Sometimes I end up in a situation (like the sign-in sheet at La Leche League meetings) when I am asked where I first heard of La Leche League or co-sleeping, or when did I first become interested in homeschooling or midwifery, or when did I decide to breastfeed and to leave my son intact, and I just can’t say. I don’t remember a time when I didn’t know about those things, yet the truth is that somewhere in my twenties I must have started absorbing the Natural Parenting principles from somewhere, little by little. I have a feeling that the process was very organic, each of these ideas meshing with some part of who I was already. There were no epiphanies; just a feeling that “hey, this makes sense—how could I do it any other way?”

If I had to say what opened the door for natural parenting in my life, I’d have to start at the beginning, and for me, that is homebirth.

I was born at home and thus, all my life I’ve understood homebirth as a legitimate option. In grade school, I was more interested in the fact that I could wow my classmates as the only one not born in a hospital. I didn’t give much thought to the significance in terms of birth options or maternity care reform, but subconsciously I must have realised that I was proof that hospitals were NOT a vital part of the process of birthing a baby.

In University I took a class on the Psychology of Health where one section looked at maternity care around the world. I was instantly enraptured by the system in the Netherlands. In the Dutch system, prenatal care is delivered by midwives and general practitioners, unless the patient is deemed high risk and transferred to the care of an obstetrician. Thirty percent of Dutch births take place at home and every new mother receives free daily in-home post-natal care visits by a nurse who helps with chores and gives assistance establishing breastfeeding. Sitting in this class in my early 20’s I knew that I would be seeking midwifery care for my own pregnancies.

Midwifery care was attractive to me in the beginning primarily because the midwifery model of care is so strikingly different than the medical model. For a really in depth explanation, I highly recommend Ina May Gaskin’s Guide to Childbirth, but in a nutshell, the midwifery model of care views pregnancy and childbirth as normal, natural parts of life.  The midwifery model believes that birth unfolds best when left alone and that the fewer the interventions the better. Even though I’d never been pregnant before that rang true for me; I didn’t believe that pregnancy was a disability or that birth was an emergency waiting to happen. I guess what it came down to is that midwifery validated what I’d known deep down my whole life—that birth is a safe and normal part of life.

Nevertheless, when I was pregnant with my first my attitude toward homebirth was “we’ll see.” I thought we’d explore it, talk it over with the midwives but that it was more likely we’d have a homebirth with our second baby. I thought back to my mom saying that one of the reasons she had me at home was because she’d already given birth twice before. She talked about it like it was no big deal, but there was always the underlying explanation that she had experience. And me? In my first pregnancy? Of course, no experience.

Over and above the fact that many studies have been done recently that verify the safety of homebirth, a few things helped convince me to have my first baby at home. The first was that in my family it was treated like a normal and acceptable choice. I had support for my decision and it was something I’d known about my whole life. Aaron was also on board as soon as we started talking about it, partly because he generally believes that the natural world knows what it’s doing and that when humans get involved we often mess things up. The second factor was the trust I had in my midwives. When I told them that I thought maybe a homebirth the second time around, they were able to put whatever nebulous fears I had to rest. I remember quite clearly when I asked when I would need to make a decision about homebirth and one of them answered with a cheeky smile, “around 8 cm.”

And so we had a homebirth. And then we had another. And we are now planning our third and final homebirth. We are doing this because it makes sense to us. It feels natural and instinctual and rings true to who we are as people. Homebirth is an important aspect of our life as parents but I couldn’t say it was the most important of the Natural Parenting principles. It is only the first of the Natural Parenting principles that we were exposed to. Next came keeping our son intact, breastfeeding, cloth diapering, co-sleeping, responding to our babies’ cries, eating home cooked local food as much as possible and now, homeschooling and making valiant efforts at gentle discipline. Each of these things is as important to us as the next and we discovered each in much the same way as we did our love of birthing at home. We picked up a little here and a little there and each one spoke to who we were and how we want to live our lives as people, not just as parents, so that in the end, we just did what came naturally.

***

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our Carnival coincides with the launch of Natural Parents Network, a community of parents and parents-to-be who practice or are interested in attachment parenting and natural family living. Join us at Natural Parents Network to be informed, empowered, and inspired!

We’ve arranged it this month according to the categories of our NPN resource pages on “What Is Natural Parenting?”

Attachment/Responsive Parenting

Attachment/responsive parenting is generally considered to include the following (descriptions/lists are not exhaustive; please follow each link to learn more):

1. PREPARE FOR PREGNANCY, BIRTH, AND PARENTING:
   • “Preparing for Pregnancy, Birth and Parenting” — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes knows better now how to prepare for her second baby, focusing on attachment rather than nursery curtains. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 23. (@sheryljesin)
   • “Begin at the Beginning” — Alison at BluebirdMama examines the first type of natural parenting she experienced: birthing at home. (@BluebirdMama)
2. FEED WITH LOVE AND RESPECT:
   • “Going With the {Tandem Milk} Flow” — Despite being told she would never be able to nurse her toddler through pregnancy, Jessika at Job Description: Mommy successfully nursed through her entire pregnancy, and she continues tandem nursing her two little ones fifteen months later! (@JobDescMommy)
   • “Breastfeeding with Love and Respect” — Resisting the pressure to give up, breastfeeding was the way Dionna at NursingFreedom.org persisted in nourishing her son. (@NursingFreedom)
   • “Why Should I Call It Extended?” — Amy at Toddler In Tow provides scientifically based research to support child-led weaning.
3. RESPOND WITH SENSITIVITY:
   • “Attachment Parenting Chose Us” — For a child who is born “sensitive,” attachment parenting is more a way of life than a parenting “choice.” Dionna at Code Name: Mama shares her experiences. (@CodeNameMama)
   • “Parenting in the Present” — Acacia at Be Present Mama parents naturally by being fully present.
   • “Parenting With Heart” — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment parents naturally because healthy attachments early in life help our little ones grow into healthy, functioning adults.
4. USE NURTURING TOUCH:
   • “Nurturing through touch” — Lauren at Hobo Mama finds that loving touch is a thread that runs through all her natural parenting practices. (@Hobo_Mama)
5. ENSURE SAFE SLEEP:
   • “Sometimes I Wish We Coslept” — Sheila at A Gift Universe has started to add cosleeping into her sleep routines and has found frequently unspoken benefits. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 30. (@agiftuniverse)
6. PROVIDE CONSISTENT AND LOVING CARE:
   • “Attachment Parenting . . . and Nanny Makes Three?” — When Jen at Grow with Graces first started interviewing nannies, she was looking for practicalities. After a few months with her first nanny, she’s going to hire someone new, and this time, she’ll make sure the nanny believes in AP principles. (@growwithgraces)
   • “Do You Have This?” — For Rachael at The Variegated Life, natural parenting is about love and giving, rather than the alienation and longing present in so many in our Western culture. (@RachaelNevins)
   • “What Natural Parenting Looks Like in Our Family” — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker shares what natural parenting is like as your little ones grow up.
7. PRACTICE GENTLE/POSITIVE DISCIPLINE:
   • “Unconditional Parenting” — The philosophy of Alfie Kohn resonates with Erin at Multiple Musings, who does not want to parent (or teach) using rewards and punishment. (@ErinLittle)
8. STRIVE FOR BALANCE IN PERSONAL AND FAMILY LIFE:
   • “Reducing Screen Time” — How does Mrs. H. at Fleeting Moments meaningfully connect with her kids every day? She turns off the TV.
   • Also see our October Carnival all about finding balance!

Ecological Responsibility and Love of Nature

• “Healing Through Elimination Communication Part 1” — Amy at Innate Parenting explains how practicing elimination communication has helped her whole family gain awareness and healing in many areas of their lives. (@InnateWholeness)
• “Growing Out of Little Potties” — Stacy at Mama-Om is proud to be the “weird lady” who practices elimination communication with her babies. (@mama_om)
• “Let’s Talk Diapers” — Lindsey at Mama Cum Laude started using cloth diapers because she felt they were a safer choice for her child; she stuck with them because they are convenient.

Holistic Health Practices

• “Supporting Natural Immunity” — If you have decided against the traditional vaccination schedule, Starr at Earth Mama has some helpful tips for strengthening your children’s immune systems naturally.

Natural Learning

• “Acceptance as a Key to Natural Parenting” — Because Mrs. Green at Little Green Blog values accepting and responding to her daughter’s needs, she was able to unravel the mystery of her daughter’s learning “challenges.” (@myzerowaste)
• “Let Them Look” — Betsy at Honest 2 Betsy makes time to look at, to touch, and to drool on the pinecones.
• “Why I Love Unschooling” — Unschooling isn’t just about learning for Darcel at The Mahogany Way — it is a way of life. (@MahoganyWayMama)
• “Is He Already Behind?“Ever worry that your baby or toddler is behind the curve? Danielle at born.in.japan will reassure you about the many ways your little one is learning — naturally — every day. Watch for her post, which will be featured on Natural Parents Network on Tuesday, November 16. (@borninjp)
• “How to Help Your Child through Natural Learning” — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now offers tips on how to understand and nurture your child’s natural learning style. (@DebChitwood)

Healthy Living

• “What ‘Healthy Eating’ Means to Me” — Wonder how a family of five makes healthy eating a priority? Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings shares some common sense tips. (@sunfrog)
• “What is Natural Parenting? Embracing Real Food” — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! has always wanted to give her children the most nutritious foods possible: first through breastfeeding, and later through healthy, whole foods. (@bfmom)

Parenting Philosophies

• “Natural Parenting — Lazy Parenting” — To Olivia at Write About Birth, natural parenting isn’t about a fixed set of ideals, but about what is instinctual. (@writeaboutbirth)
• “I’m not the most crunchy, but I’m still au naturel” — Jessica at This is Worthwhile follows her gut and parents with respect, and that’s what feels natural to her. (@tisworthwhile)
• “Because Natural comes Naturally” — Breastfeeding, babywearing, cosleeping — Bess at mommakesmilk does these things because they feel right. (@MumtoEve)
• “What Do You Mean ‘Natural Parenting’?” — Luschka at Diary of a First Child fell into natural parenting by listening to her baby and her own instincts. (@lvano)
• “One Little Change at a Time” — Ashley at Domestic Chaos made one small change at a time until “natural parenting” wasn’t a punchline, but a way of life. (@ashleympoland)
• “WHY Attachment Parenting?” — While they might take some work to put into practice, Momma Jorje at A Slightly Crunchy Momma finds that all of the tenets of attachment parenting fit her family.
• “Yours, Respectfully” — For Kellie at Our Mindful Life, natural parenting is about being respectful: to yourself, your children, and your surroundings.
• “The Natural Parenting Label” — Michelle at The Parent Vortex explains that natural parenting is a mindset, not a set of specific choices or a few fancy acronyms. (@TheParentVortex)
• “When Our Children Are Grown” — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children parents naturally, because she is building a firm foundation for her children.
• “What is Natural Parenting to a Witch Mom?” — Lily at Witch Mom has planned out what she wants for her son, from health to socialization to interactions with the natural world. (@lilyshahar)
• “Attachment Parenting and Our Family” — Semi-crunchy Mama at Adventures in Mommyhood takes us through the way the Baby Bs have transformed their family of four. (@crunchymamato2)
• “I’m a Mama…Naturally” — Andrea!!! at Ella-Bean & Co. didn’t intend to parent naturally, but it happened by instinct.

Political and Social Activism

• “A Private Matter” — Amy at Anktangle, who is a Registered Nurse, describes her encounters with circumcision in a medical environment and why they guided her decision to leave her own baby boy intact. (@anktangle)
• “Natural Parenting, Following Our Instincts, and Keeping Our Son Intact” — Kelly at KellyNaturally went against the tide and refused to circumcise her son. (@kellynaturally)
• “Relying on Kindness” — Sure, Navelgazing Bajan at Navelgazing wants her son to be kind — but kindness is not enough. (@BlkWmnDoBF)

Welcome to the May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role model

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama. This month our participants have waxed poetic about how their parenting has inspired others, or how others have inspired them. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

In 2005, we had a baby.

We used midwifery care. We had a home birth. We had a son and we did not circumcise him. We used a cloth diaper service. We breastfed.

Aaron and I were the first in our group of friends to have kids. At first it was kind of strange and we felt like outsiders among them. Life had changed in that instant, punch-in-the-face kind of way that seems normal among first time parents, and we found ourselves withdrawing from our childless friends. Out of necessity, we hunkered in and learned to parent. Along the way, one-by-one our friends joined us in parenthood. Five years later, nine of the couples that we regularly associated with back then either have kids or are pregnant.

In this group of nine couples, seven used (or are using) midwifery care. The two couples that didn’t were pregnant with twins. Only one birth was by cesarean (and it was one of the twin births). Two couples had their babies at home and two more couples are currently planning home births.

Surrounded by these people, I often make the mistake of thinking that midwifery care and home birth are more widespread than they are. But when you look at the data, a different picture emerges. According to the most recent reports from the BC Perinatal Health Program, only 5.8% of births in BC were attended by a midwife (versus 78% in our friends), and 29.3% of births were by cesarean section (versus 14% in our friends). In 2007/2008, there were 671 home births out of a total 43,505 births which gives us a home birth rate of 1.5%. If all goes as planned, the home birth rate among our friends will be 44%.

Why is it that our group of friends has this vastly different set of statistics for their births?

I suppose it is partly demographic. Perhaps we share similar mentalities that would predispose us towards these kinds of choices: cloth diapering, eating organic, and so on. We are friends for a reason. But it’s not like our friends are hippies. Overall, most of our friends are regular people, professionals, home owners. Aaron and I were probably closest to the home birth “type” – you know, living in a bus and sporting dreads and all.

When I look at the numbers though and realize how different our group is from the rest of the province, I would like to think that maybe we were a positive example to our friends. I tried not to be preachy but I answered questions when they came our way. I only remember a few conversations and no one has ever said that we influenced them. I don’t take credit for their decisions. After all, I don’t think anyone chooses home birth because their friends did. You have to make that choice for yourself and you don’t make it lightly. You ask questions. You read. You talk to your caregiver. Yet, even knowing one person who has actually had a home birth can demystify it for you.

Every single person who uses a midwife or has a baby at home helps to normalize birth options for everyone they know. Even if you never really talk about it you become a shining example that there is another way, that there are choices.

So in some small way, I like to think that we did have a role to play, that we were a positive influence among our friends.

Maybe when they walked into their first appointment with a midwife and she offered them a choice of birth place, they didn’t brush it off as quickly as they might have if they didn’t actually know a family who had experienced a home birth. Maybe they started thinking about midwifery care before they even got pregnant because they knew someone who had been really happy with her prenatal care.

It wasn’t just us. I’m sure they had other friends who did these things or who suggested books or who asked a good question to get them thinking. We all help. Every one of us makes a difference when we tell a positive birth story.

Some mothers are lactivists and they go to nurse-ins. Others are La Leche League leaders or they run chapters of ICAN. Some women become doulas, childbirth educators or lactation consultants. Some mamas homeschool four kids. These women are inspiring. They are role models and they are easy to admire.

But we don’t have to be outstanding or energetic or really vocal to inspire others with our natural parenting. We can inspire people just by living as a positive example and by normalising choices that, for now, are outside the mainstream. Even little things we do can make a big difference in a quiet way.

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Woman Seeking Inspiration — Seeking Mother’s struggles and joys to find her own path in motherhood have inspired others — to her surprise! (@seekingmother )
• Paving the Way — Jessica at This is Worthwhile makes a conscious effort every day to be a role model. (@tisworthwhile )
• No Rules Without Reason — The Recovering Procrastinator wants to inspire her husband to discipline their children gently. (@jenwestpfahl)
• Creating a Culture of Positive Parenting Role Models — Michelle at The Parent Vortex shows parents at the playground how to do a front wrap cross carry and tells nurses about her successful home births, as a way of modeling natural parenting in public. (@TheParentVortex)
• Making A Difference for Mamas — Shana at Tales of Minor Interest took an embarrassing pumping incident at work and turned it into an opportunity for all the employees who breastfeed.
• Inspiring Snowflakes — Joni Rae at Tales of Kitchen Witch Momma is a role model for the most important people: her children. (@kitchenwitch)
• Paying it Forward — Amber at Strocel.com inspires new (and often scared) mamas with these simple words: “It will be OK.” (@AmberStrocel)
• A SAHD’s View on Parenting Role Models — Chris at Stay At Home Dad in Lansing doesn’t have many role models as a SAHD — but hopes to be one to his daughter. (@tessasdad)
• Am I a Role Model? A Review — Deb at Science@home brings attachment parenting out of the baby age and shows how it applies (with science fun!) to parenting through all of childhood. (@ScienceMum)
• Say Something Good — Arwyn at Raising My Boychick reminds women that it is within our right to be proud of ourselves without apology. (@RaisingBoychick)
• Try, Try Again — Thomasin at Propson Palingenesis wants to inspire like the Little Engine that Could.
• I’m a Parenting Inspiration, Who Knew? — Sarah at OneStarryNight has received several beautiful comments about just what an inspiration she has been, if not in real life then definitely online. (@starrymom)
• That Little Thing — NavelgazingBajan at Navelgazing demonstrates the ripple effect, one status update at a time. (@BlkWmnDoBF)
• How Has Your Day Been? — mrs green @ littlegreenblog inspired her friend to be an active listener for her children. (@myzerowaste)
• No, Thank You! — If you are reading Maman A Droit’s post, you’ve probably inspired her. (@MamanADroit)
• My Top 3 Natural Parenting Principles — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now describes how her family’s natural and Montessori principles inspired others. (@DebChitwood)
• My Hope for a Better Life — Mandy at Living Peacefully With Children hopes her choices inspire her children toward a better life.
• Natural Parenting Felt Natural — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes didn’t plan on natural parenting — but her son led her there. (@sheryljesin)
• Rest. Is it even possible? — Janet at where birth and feminism intersect has found that even role models need rest — and that there are ways to fit it into everyday parenting life. (@feministbirther)
• May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role model — Lauren at Hobo Mama was the fortunate recipient of a seed of inspiration, and has been privileged to plant some of those seeds herself, though she didn’t know it at the time. (@Hobo_Mama)
• crunchspiration — the grumbles at grumbles and grunts wants to inspire others to parent from their heart. (@thegrumbles)
• No Extra Inspiration Required — Zoey at Good Goog doesn’t think she inspires anyone and wasn’t inspired by anyone in return — except by her daughter. (@zoeyspeak)
• Upstream Parenting — Luschka at Diary of a First Child blogs for that one mother in one hundred who will find her words helpful. (@diaryfirstchild)
• Parenting Advice for the Girl from Outer Space — If Mommy Soup at Cream of Mommy Soup could give one piece of inspirational advice to new parents, it would be to parent with kindness. (@MommySoup)
• Natural Parenting Carnival — Role Model — Sarah at Consider Eden feels the pressure at trying — and failing — to live up to her role models. (@ConsiderEden)
• May Carnival of Natural Parenting: Role Model — Dionna at Code Name: Mama encourages natural parenting mamas to take joy in the fact that they are touching lives and making a difference to children every day. (@CodeNameMama)
• Inspiration Goes Both Ways — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! is flustered that people consider her a breastfeeding role model — but the lovely comments she’s received prove it’s so. (@bfmom)
• My Seven — Danielle at born.in.japan has identified seven role models in her life who brought her to natural parenting. Who are your seven? (@borninjp)
• A Quiet Example — Alison at BluebirdMama was one of the first parents in her group of friends — and has come to see almost all those friends follow in her natural birthing footsteps, whether intentionally or not.
• Gentle Discipline Warrior — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries has inspired a gentle discipline movement — join her! (@babydust)
• Change The World… One Parent At A Time — Mamapoekie is more comfortable inspiring parents online than she is in real life. (@mamapoekie)
• Inspirational Parenting — pchanner at A Mom’s Fresh Start has intentionally tried to be a role model but was unprepared for how soon someone would take notice. (@pchanner)
• My Inspiration — Erin at A Beatnik’s Beat on Life has written thank-you letters to everyone who’s inspired her to become the lactivist and natural parenting advocate she is today. (@babybeatnik)

I was born at home so I’ve known all my life that there was a possibility that it wasn’t all about the hospital, that there were options. Even so, when I was pregnant with my first my attitude was “we’ll see.” I thought we’d explore it, talk it over with the midwives but that it was more likely we’d have a homebirth with our second baby. I was unsure and I thought back to my mom saying that one of the reasons she had me at home was because she’d already given birth twice before. She talked about it like it was no big deal, but there was always the underlying explanation that she had experience. And me? In my first pregnancy? Of course, no experience.

I recently read this post by @heartsandhandss from twitter where she talks about whether or not homebirth is for you. What struck me so much about her post was the idea that as a first time mom, even those who are drawn to homebirth often feel this ambivalence about homebirth.

You say that with your second baby you might consider a birthing center or a homebirth because it won’t be as scary as with your first baby.

Her argument is that you might as well have a homebirth while you still qualify for one, while you are still low risk. With cesarean rates hovering round 30% (depending on where you are), you have a 1 in 3 chance of coming home from the hospital with the prospect of trying for a VBAC next time. Again, depending on where you are, you might not be eligible for a homebirth anymore after that. This point of view really stuck with me.

To me the tricky part is being able to balance that kind of rationale with the fact that first time moms often haven’t got the experience to TRUST birth yet. Interestingly, for so many the experience they gain in the hospital does the exact opposite: it doesn’t teach them to trust birth at all. Or you find that experienced mothers turn to homebirth only because they’ve had such a terrible hospital experience that they go looking for anything, any alternative must be better than doing THAT again.

A few things helped change my mind about having a homebirth for my first baby. The first was that in my family it was treated like a normal and acceptable choice. I had support for my decision and it was something I’d known about my whole life. The second factor was the trust I had in my midwives and when I told them that I thought maybe a homebirth the second time around, they were able to put whatever nebulous fears I had to rest. In fact, I can’t even remember what their answer was. I just knew after that talk that we’d be planning a homebirth. And lastly, I read books books books until I trusted birth at least logically if not from experience. For me, it ended up being the natural path to take, perhaps because that’s where my path started in the first place.

For others, I really think that @heartsandhandss makes a compelling and logical argument. If you want the best chance of staying low risk, staying eligible for homebirth in the future, at least explore it as an option the first time. Or make the choice to birth with a midwife in a hospital or birth centre. Otherwise, the choice may never be yours.

photo credit: christyscherrer

Home Birth

Cleaning
Several weeks before your due date give the place a serious clean. Afterwards you will only need to maintain with spot cleaning/maintenance. No need to feel embarrassed by the state of your housekeeping when welcoming your birth team.

Supplies
Your midwife will give you a list of supplies that you will need to have on hand for your birth. Every midwife tends to have a slightly different list but the basics are all the same. Some items can be found around the house; others will need to be picked up specifically for your birth. If you order your supplies online, keep them in the shipping box in a place that is relatively handy. Add a good pile of old clean sheets, towels and wash cloths. Choose linens that you don’t mind staining. You can also put everything in a laundry basket for easily carting to a different room when labour starts or if you are compelled to move around.

Remember to pack your hospital bag and keep it by the door in case you end up transferring to the hospital.

Food
Shop beforehand for snacks for yourself and your birth team. Good ideas are fruit, popsicles, juice, miso soup, crackers. You can also make up a batch of Labourade or drink Emergen-C. If your labour is long you may get hungry and you definitely need to stay hydrated.

Stock your freezer with healthy heat-and-eat meals to make those first weeks with a newborn a little easier. You can use up some of that late third trimester nesting energy making your own or enlist your family and friends to each donate a meal for your freezer when they ask, “What do you need?”

Siblings
You can choose the level of involvement for older children: whether they go to friend’s house, stay in the next room or wander in and out at will. Try to bear in mind the individual personalities of your little ones as you make this decision. You can prepare them for what to expect with classes, books or even colouring. Talking with kids ahead of time about what will happen during labour and birth will help them take it all in stride. If you plan on having your older children present, it is a good idea to have an adult there whose main role is to attend to them.

Pets
Dogs especially can find the commotion of birth slightly upsetting. Try to have a space for them out of the way or consider arranging a sitter.

From pets and people to prepping the nest, you do have to do a bit of extra leg work before your home birth. It will all be worth it when you don’t have to climb in the car and endure contractions for a twenty minute ride to the hospital. Picture yourself lounging in your own bed as your midwife weighs and measures baby and family members look on—what a great reward for a little extra planning.

After reading the newest study on the safety of homebirth, I sat back to read some reactions from the press and the public. I had a look at the CTV coverage and the CBC coverage and I read over the comments in reply to each story. Imagine my dismay when I read some of your reactions! I was rather glad that the comments were closed because I was too upset to post anything coherent or cool-headed. Frustrated, I can not stop thinking about your replies.

First, I shake my head as it appears that you’ve neither read the study nor understood the very article you’ve responded to. You seem to have missed the point entirely. Your arguments fall into one of several categories:

1. The Personal Anecdote Rebuttal

This is some variation of “I can only imagine how horrible our child’s birth would have turned out if we had tried to have a home birth” and then launching into your personal story where everything was touch-and-go but thankfully the medical staff at the hospital saved your baby.

First of all, this is not a logical rebuttal to a scientific study. This is an emotional reaction known as a pathetic appeal. You are rejecting “a claim based on how it makes you feel without fully analyzing the rationale behind the claim”. You are appealing to people’s very real emotions about the health and safety of a tiny baby at the expense of being able to actually hear what the study’s authors are trying to tell you. While it is totally understandable that this is an emotionally sensitive topic for many, the problem is that you are overemphasizing the emotional component at the expense of the message (the logical component) – this is a flawed argument. Effective, yes – ad campaigns do it all the time, but flawed nonetheless.

Secondly, while my heart goes out to you that you had a difficult and scary time at the birth of your baby and while I’m glad that modern medicine was able to save your baby, we can’t actually compare your situation with that of the study subjects. We have no way of knowing with the few details you’ve given if your particular circumstances would have made you an eligible sample for the hospital group. Perhaps you had complications or a high-risk pregnancy that would have excluded you from the study. Therefore, sadly, your situation is not a relevant point of comparison for a study that was looking at births fitting very specific criteria. If that is the case, even the study’s authors, home birth advocates, the BC College of Midwives etc. would all agree with you: your child’s birth should not have occurred at home because it did not meet the criteria to have a home birth safely.

2. The What If Question

This argument boils down to “Yes, homebirth is fine as long as nothing goes wrong. But why chance it?” You have missed the point completely; the study concluded that home birth is as safe as hospital birth because in all the cases studied, virtually nothing did go wrong. The perinatal death rate was the same as for both hospital groups (in fact, it was marginally lower in the homebirth group). This what-if-something-goes-wrong argument was essentially what the study was trying to find out – how often does something go wrong at home? And the conclusion was, provided certain guidelines are followed: no more often than something goes wrong in the hospital.

3. The Get With The Times Blow Off

This argument is the most uninformed of the bunch. You demonstrate your complete lack of understanding of maternity care and midwifery with variations of “Midwives are old hippies with no training and would be useless in an emergency” or “Stop being so full of yourself and your need to prove something – modern medicine is here for a reason, use it.” This brand of reaction is intended to silence anyone supportive of homebirth by insulting and denigrating but it only demonstrates your own ignorance.

Midwives, in BC at least, have a 4 year University degree during which time they attend hundreds of births and spend half of their studies in practical learning settings. They are specialists in birth, female physiology, the newborn, breastfeeding and more. They carry with them resuscitation equipment including oxygen, various drugs (including drugs to prevent haemorrhaging) and can start an IV or intubate if necessary. There are two midwives present at a homebirth, one for the mother and one for the baby so that if anything should happen there are enough hands there to make sure that everyone is being cared for. Furthermore, one of the criteria for being eligible for a homebirth in BC is to be within reasonable distance of a hospital for a rapid transfer if necessary. These are not old grannies from the bush; these are highly trained and skilled experts in childbirth and maternity care.

Compare this with a physician who only studied childbirth, babies and female physiology for a fraction of their total time at school. Consider the study’s findings that the mean number of antenatal visits with a midwife was 11.8 versus 9.3 for a physician. Consider that doctor’s appointments run ten minutes while midwifery appointments are fifty. You would choose a heart specialist if you were experiencing angina right? Why wouldn’t you choose a specialist for childbirth?

The misconception that homebirth advocates shun modern medicine because they have something to prove or think they are above the use of life-saving equipment/procedures, thumbing their noses in defiance is also at the heart of the Get-With-The-Times brush off. The beauty of homebirth in this day and age is that we can apply our knowledge of medicine to increase the safety without losing the sanctity of birth for mother AND baby (no, it isn’t just about the mother’s experience) and WITHOUT the misuse of technology and abuse of power that is rampant in the hospital setting. We can trust birth, we can use our intuition, we can give mother and baby time to get in the right position to birth safely and efficiently but we can also safeguard against haemorrhage, infection and multiple other complications because of scientific advances. Homebirth and midwifery advocates recognize this. It’s not a case of throwing the baby out with the bath water. The homebirths you are envisioning, you know alone in a cabin in the woods without electricity? Those births would have been excluded from the study.

4. The Caesarean Card

Your disappointed reaction to the homebirth study is to play the caesarean card: “That’s all wonderful news but we had to have a caesarean.” This is a tricky point. There is much debate about whether your caesarean was necessary. It is generally accepted that the caesarean rate is too high (almost 30% in BC) and yet, each individual caesarean is somehow deemed necessary by physicians and families. When it’s your baby you’re talking about, you can’t help but feel that your situation was different than the other 1 in 3 families that faced unnecessary caesareans.

You use this as evidence that it was lucky you were in the hospital. And yet even women who were low risk (they met all the criteria for having a safe homebirth) were almost twice as likely to birth by caesarean if they planned a birth in the hospital with a physician. How do we explain that? Perhaps you wouldn’t have “had to have a caesarean” if you were birthing at home, or at least in a hospital with a midwifery care provider?? Unfortunately we can’t answer that question but it is worth wondering about.

5. The Attack The Stats & Study Design Argument

You like to poke holes in the study’s findings to appear as though you’ve read it. You say things like “oh, homebirth is associated with a lower incidence of epidurals. Of course that’s true. Last time I checked there was no anaesthesiologist waiting in the kitchen.” Again, you are not reading the study clearly. The lower rate of interventions is like icing on the cake. The study found that homebirths carried the same risks as hospital births in terms of perinatal mortality. Thus, if you are eligible for a homebirth you can consider it equally as safe as birthing in a hospital. But if it’s also important to you to avoid an epidural, infection or caesarean or to keep your perineum intact then the benefits clearly lie in staying at home, precisely because there is NOT an “anaesthesiologist waiting in the kitchen” or an OB down the hall with a stop watch and a scalpel.

The other common mistake you make here is to assume the study, like some previous studies, is not comparing apples to apples. You claim that hospital births had higher rates of interventions because all the complicated births had been re-routed to physicians and hospitals by the system. The groundbreaking nature of this study is that they did manage to compare apples to apples. The comparison groups (hospital birth with midwife or physician) were very carefully matched to the study group (home birth with midwife) on multiple measures including income, age, geographic location, parity and most importantly, status of eligibility for homebirth. This means that women were excluded from the hospital group if they were high-risk or experiencing complications. Furthermore, because the study looked at planned place of birth rather than actual place of birth, homebirths that ended up as hospital transfers (for emergency or other reason, like mother fatigue) were still counted as homebirths, rather than skewing the hospital numbers. If a mother planned a homebirth but transferred and ended up with a caesarean, that caesarean went in the homebirth numbers not the hospital birth numbers; otherwise, all of the caesareans would have been in the hospital group and then the stats and study design surely would have been faulty.

So we come to a problem with all of these comments. It appears that no matter how many studies are published showing the safety of homebirth and of midwifery care, skeptics refuse to see what the study clearly shows. As Jennifer Block puts it in her article The Birth Wars: Who’s really winning the homebirth debate:

This is a natural human tendency, to base knowledge on anecdotal experience, ‘and we have science to help us get around it. But for this topic it’s not happening.’

‘What’s interesting is why these studies have not swayed public opinion and not been integrated into the medical establishment,” she says. “People deeply, deeply believe that a baby cannot be born without massive amounts of medical intervention, and it’s nearly impossible to overturn that cultural norm. There’s something blocking people from operating on the basis of the balance of evidence.’ (Quoting Cheney)

So what is blocking all of you from accepting the evidence?

In order to accept the evidence a major paradigm shift is necessary. You have been so conditioned to fear birth and to consider birth an emergent medical crisis waiting to happen that you can’t even hear what study after study is trying to tell you. You have been so blinded by the medical model’s approach to childbirth in our technological society that you no longer have any trust in or reverence for the natural world. And despite this love of science and medicine, you won’t allow yourself to be swayed by good clean science telling you that birth is safe. It’s bad enough you don’t understand that with your intuition, you also won’t allow yourself to see the scientific facts. This is the epitome of closed-mindedness and it makes me despairingly sad.

It appears that until you can trust birth you will never be convinced of the wondrous truth. The truth that the female body of all mammals is perfectly, amazingly designed to give birth, that somehow we managed to put 8 billion people on the planet without the benefit of hospitals and that all your faith in technology has caused you to lose faith in yourself.

The birth plan is way to prepare for your birth: properly prepared, it will require discussion with your care providers and likely personal research and reading. It will allow you to seriously consider how you feel about medications, interventions, procedures, and yes, emergency situations should they arise. It will give you an opportunity to talk with your partner about his/her hopes and fears and to communicate about what is important to you both.

The birth plan is a communication tool: hopefully it will clearly and succinctly spell out your wishes and expectations not just for your childbirth experience, but for the safety of your baby and yourself. It can function as a reminder to your care provider of things you may have talked about weeks before. The birth plan can have the power to speak for you despite staff shift changes, whether or not you have an advocate there for you (partner, family, friend or doula) and whether or not you are in a condition to speak for yourself.

The birth plan is not a frivolous wish list: it is a simple one page statement outlining what you are ok with and what you are not ok with. Birth plan detractors seem to feel that a birth plan reflects a selfish mom’s over-attachment to her own experience. However, we all have the right to informed consent when it comes to medical procedures and your birth plan should focus on this aspect rather than getting caught up in small details like whether or not you want to have your ipod in the room.

The birth plan unfortunately is not a legal document: there will be hospitals and staff members and births where the birth plan does not get followed. Make sure to go over it with your care provider ahead of time. Is your care provider comfortable with the plan? Find out if the points you’ve made are even possible at the place where you are delivering – does hospital protocol even allow everything you’ve outlined? Bring multiple copies with you to give out. Be prepared for shift changes. Remember that circumstances might arise that you didn’t consider ahead of time and some parts of the plan might not get adhered to.

The birth plan is not a road map: no one can really plan out their birth. Birth is almost always surprising in some way. It is hard not to get caught up in your vision of the ideal birth but birth is unpredictable. Remember to account for things you hope will not happen. The birth plan should not become a way to cling to control. Carefully consider the points on your birth plan and thoughtfully write it out. And then, hand it to your partner and let go of the plan so you can embrace the unknowable aspect of birth.

Resources

Here are a couple of good online birth plans to check out. You can fill them out online to print and take with you, or just use them as a sample or starting point to write your own.

Pregnancy Channel
Childbirth.org
Earth Mama Angel Baby

And finally, a couple of great books to get you started on your research:

Creating Your Birth Plan – The Definitive Guide to a Safe & Empowering Birth Marsden Wagner, M.D., M.S. Creating Your Birth Plan helps expectant mothers make informed decisions about the assistance they’ll require for childbirth. Designed to encourage collaboration between pregnant women and their caregivers, it includes information on: What to expect when delivering in a hospital, in a birthing center, or at home How to select an advocate to ensure expectant mothers’ wishes are honored by their caregiver The natural stages of labor in a problem-free birth Explanations of various medical or surgical interventions, and potential complications and benefits of each Natural alternatives to drugs, technology, and surgery Marsden Wagner, M.D., M.S, is an independent consultant on maternity care and the author/editor of eight books. He is a former director of Women’s and Children’s Health for the World Health Organization.

The Thinking Women’s Guide to a Better Birth Henci Goer The newest procedures. The latest information. The complete rundown on modern pregnancy and childbirth…for women who want the facts. Every intelligent, informed woman is used to gathering the most complete information she can get before making a decision. But when it comes to one of the most important decisions in her life—how she will give birth—it can be tough to get the complete picture, even from an obstetrician. Surprisingly, much of the latest research goes against common medical opinion. Certified Lamaze instructor and activist Henci Goer brings women the carefully researched facts they’ll want to have. Based on the latest medical studies and literature, The Thinking Woman’s Guide To A Better Birth offers clear, concise information on tests, procedures and treatments—and gives advice about: cesareans ultrasound gestational diabetes breech babies inducing labor IVs electronic fetal monitoring ruptured membranes epidurals episiotomies vaginal birth after a cesarean midwives and obstetricians alternative birthing methods choosing a birth location drugs and delivery elective induction professional labor support and much more

Placing a pool of water in a birth room changes the atmosphere immediately. Voices get softer, the mother stays calmer and everyone becomes less stressed.

The effect of buoyancy that deep water immersion creates allows spontaneous movement of the mother. No one has to help the mother get into a new position. She moves as her body and the position of the baby dictate. Movement helps open the pelvis, allowing the baby to descend.

When a woman in labor relaxes in a warm deep bath, free from gravity’s pull on her body, with sensory stimulation reduced, her body is less likely to secrete stress-related hormones. This allows her body to produce the pain inhibitors-endorphins-that complement labor. Noradrenaline and catecholamines, the hormones that are released during stress, actually raise the blood pressure and can inhibit or slow labor. A laboring woman who is able to relax physically, is able to relax mentally as well. Many women, midwives, and doctors acknowledge the analgesic effect of water. Thousands of these mothers state they would never be able to consider laboring without water again.

from Waterbirth International

These include:

• A shower
• Hot towels
• Submerging in a bath
• Submerging into a deep pool of water

Some women feel very comfortable in the water during labour and decide to stay in the water to give birth. Giving birth under water raises many questions – How safe is it? Does research support waterbirth? Does water provide effective pain relief? What precautions should be used if a woman labours and/or gives birth in water?

Water, as with many issues during pregnancy and birth, is not very well researched. There needs to be a lot more research before we can accurately answer these and other questions. Some evidence however, is slowly gathering from around the world on the use of water during labour and birth. In the future we will know a lot more.

Waterbirth concerns many people. One common fear is that the baby will drown if born into water. The baby born into water has a diving reflex that helps prevents the inhalation of water into its lungs. Once the baby is exposed to air the receptors in the baby’s face trigger the baby’s breathing. Because of these factors, once the baby is born into water it should be brought gently to the surface and the baby’s face must not be resubmerged under the water.

To make sure that the baby does not get cold after the birth – the baby’s body can stay under the water and the baby’s head can be dried with a warm towel. If the baby is well he/she can stay with the mother in the water.

Whether or not to permit the placenta to be born in the water is another controversial issue. There are some theoretical risks to remaining in the water, however none have ever been proven. Some health care practitioner encourage women to leave the water for the third stage of labour while others are happy for women to remain in the water. If bleeding after the birth seems excessive the woman would be asked to leave the water.

I have heard that using water during labour is helpful, can you explain the reasons why?

Using water during labour and birth encourages:

• Reduction in pain
• Greater mobility that comes with buoyancy
• Induces relaxation
• Reduction in abdominal pressure
• Softening effect on the perineum and vulva can promote stretching during crowing
• Gentle entrance into the world for the baby

One of the most common finding of research is that many women find that being submerged in water enables them to relax and they find the pain of labour lessens. In one study, where women used water during labour only, they found that 80% of the women reported that they would like to use water next time they were in labour.

I like the idea of using water during my labour. I would like to know if it is safe for my baby to be born underwater?

Until more research is completed, we cannot say with any accuracy whether there are any risks associated with the use of water during labour and birth. The limited evidence that is available so far indicates that waterbirth is thought to be safe so long as some simple, sensible guidelines are followed. These guidelines include:

• A skilled practitioner in waterbirth is available
• The pool or bath has been thoroughly cleaned and rinsed
• A normal labour and birth is expected. The use of water is not appropriate if a woman has a fever, there is meconium in the waters, the baby’s heart rate is abnormal or if the woman has had any abnormal bleeding.
• The water temperature is not too hot (‹36 degrees Celsius)
• The woman is at least 6 cm dilated (hopping in before this time is thought to slow labour)
• The woman is well hydrated. It is important to drink lots of fluids when in the water, as dehydration can be a problem
• There are no additives put in the water (these are not helpful and some are potentially harmful)
• The baby is brought to the surface as soon as it is born

As more evidence is revealed, we will know more about the safety or otherwise of water during labour and birth.

I have decided that I would like a waterbirth. Can you tell me how I could organise one?

This will depend on the place that you plan to give birth. A water birth is easily arranged at home. A large bath can be used or it is possible to hire or buy a pool suitable for a water birth. If you plan to give birth in a hospital you will have to find out what facilities are available and what their policies are regarding waterbirth. Some hospital facilities have a waterbirth policy all ready in place whereas others have not had a request for a waterbirth before. Achieving a water birth will also depend on the skills of the midwife or doctor providing your care. If they are not confident with water birth – they may prefer that you give birth on dry land. Most hospital facilities do have water available for use during labour eg. shower, bath or pool.

Setting up a pool at home or in a hospital requires some forethought. Is there space enough for the pool? How will the pool be filled and emptied? Is the hot water service adequate? Is the pool a good height and width? Is the pool comfortable? Are you able to lean on the sides of the pool without it collapsing? Is the floor able to take the weight of a pool filled with water? Make sure that there is safe heating in the room; remember electricity and water do not mix.

The following items are helpful when planning a waterbirth:

• A bath thermometer – this can be used to ensure that the water temperature is not getting too hot.
• A plastic strainer and a bucket – to be used for removing debris from the pool.
• Lots of warm towels for mother and baby.
• A space for you to use – in case you decide to leave the pool at any stage.

Reproduced with permission from midwife Jane Palmer, 2001

Faced with all of these choices, how do you know what is right for you? How do you know that the choices you made before the big day will still be right when labour starts – especially if you are a first time mom?

Choice, in general, can be a double-edged sword. On the one hand, it is empowering and enriching to be given the opportunity to have a say in what happens to us. On the other, given too many choices or inadequate information to help in our decisions, the process of choosing can cause stress, anxiety and even guilt and depression. And when it comes to birth, it can give the misguided impression of control.

Relinquish Control (even those subconscious thoughts…)
The first thing you can do on your journey towards the right birth for you is to forget about those fantasies of your ideal birth. We all do it: we all have a vision in our heads of the way we hope our birth will proceed. These visions are rarely realistic (unless you imagined in your ideal birth that you would be half-naked on your hands and knees in a roomful of strangers). Birth is a dynamic process and we cannot control what happens. The woman who is determined to get her epidural before she’s finished with the hospital admitting desk may deliver baby at home in the bathroom attended by her partner. The woman who preaches natural birth from before conception may end up with a complication, or labour induction and a cesarean delivery. We’ve all read these stories and hoped it wouldn’t be us. But it could be. So the first step is to let go.

Read everything you can get your hands on
Knowledge is power. If you aren’t a reader, ask questions. Ask all the mothers you know what their experience was like. Ask your practioner all those nagging questions you’re afraid to speak out loud. Explore all the birth possibilities there are. Don’t shy away from those topics that you hope you won’t have to face (like having a long, drawn out back-labour or requiring a cesarean). Don’t write off ideas that are new to you (like homebirth, or hiring a doula). The more you can understand about the way labour progresses (or sometimes doesn’t) and the way labour is managed (or sometimes mis-managed), the better the chance that you will be able to play an active part in the process.

Be Flexible (but know your limits)
That is, be prepared to change your mind. Something that seemed right before birth may no longer be fitting during birth. Hell, something you asked for during one contraction, may not be what you want during the next. Accept the fact that you may need to revise your thinking in the face of new information. However, if at any time, you are uncomfortable with the care you are receiving, be confident that it is okay to assert yourself or have some intervene on your behalf. By trusting your instincts and your birth team, you’ll know when to stand your ground and when to adapt.

Gather good people around you
The people who support you and care for you during labour can make a huge difference. Consider carefully whether you want a doctor or a midwife, whether you will hire a doula and which friends and family members you would like present. Ask your care-givers questions and reserve the right to change your mind if you don’t feel comfortable. The time it takes at first to find good people could make the difference in how your birth unfolds or at least in how you feel (even when things don’t go as planned). Good people will give you information and not rush your decisions, will help keep you focused, will make you feel supported and empowered, will be positive and encouraging and will inspire trust.

Face your Fears
We all go into labour with a mixture of elation and apprehension but it’s good to ask yourself what it is you are afraid of before your water breaks. Hopefully a few weeks before. It’s hard to know how to manage a nebulous, nameless fear. But if you can seriously explore what scares you about birth (and motherhood) before the throes of labour send you into panic mode, the odds are you’ll be better equipped to deal with whatever comes your way. Try, if you can, to go a little deeper into your fears than the obvious like fear of pain or fear of a long labour. What about the pain scares you? Fear of not being strong enough? Fear of losing control? What about a long labour scares you? Facing your fears is emotionally exhausting but it would be a shame to let fear hold you back from the possibility of a truly rewarding experience.

Know yourself, know your situation
This is the easiest part because it might be decided for you. Are you a home-body who feels most comfortable with a few close friends rather than in the middle of a party? Maybe homebirth is an option for you. Are you an analytical person who is comforted by procedures and technology? Are you someone who always wants to be prepared for the worst case scenario? You might feel strongest birthing at a hospital or birth center. Are you totally against medicated birth? Perhaps a water birth is right for you. Is your baby breech? The safest bet for you and your baby could be a cesarean. Was your pregnancy a textbook case or did you suffer from multiple complications? Your health practitioner will be able to explain what your options are based on your personal situation and with a bit of self-analysis and thought, you’ll find the answers you’re looking for.

Often as labour day unfolds, it doesn’t come down to choice at all. We don’t choose when our babies will come or how they will make their entrance. Sometimes, circumstances arise that take the power from the mama and she needs to stretch and bend around the situation she is given. And sometimes, with trust, in our instincts, in ourselves, in our babies, in birth itself, our babies come just the way we knew they would. We do what we need to do and the most right thing of all is that they are safe.

There are some VERY important distinctions made in the above statement. Studies of home birth look at:

1. Low Risk women
2. Families who have planned ahead of time to have their birth at home and prepared for it. This does NOT include births that happened so fast that paramedics were called or mom delivered at home alone.
3. Home births attended by trained professional midwives.

These studies make no claim as to the safety of unassisted home birth, precipitous home birth or home birth for women who do not meet the criteria for being low risk.

Please note the overall findings of a study on home birth reported in the Canadian Medical Association Journal, including some very important benefits of home birth:

“there were fewer interventions during labour, including electronic fetal monitoring, induction of labour, episiotomy and cesarean section; women were more likely to have an intact perineum and fewer maternal infections and were no more likely to have third-degree or fourth-degree tears or postpartum hemorrhage; and there were no significant differences in perinatal mortality, 5-minute Apgar scores and meconium aspiration syndrome, as compared with women intending to deliver in hospital who were assisted by physicians or midwives.”

- Régis Blais, Are home births safe? CMAJ 2002;166(3):335-6

There is a wealth of information available on this subject:

Check out our articles & research section.