Briefly November

Posted on Dec 1, 2010 in Featured, Parenting | 2 comments

This month I learned again that it feels better to listen to the little voice in your head rather than ignore it.

Earlier this month our landlord approached us and inquired if we would be willing to move before our Lease is up in August. She’s a really nice woman and we like her. She was not being evil. She’s going through a rough patch and we would have loved to help her out. I was rather overcome with panic and yet because I wanted to help her, we started looking for somewhere to move. We even looked into buying a place (but that’s a depressing tale for another day).

During that week, I really couldn’t concentrate on anything else. I was totally consumed with the whole moving situation. My intuition was telling me that it was NOT a good one.

I don’t think there are many people out there who relish the packing and cleaning involved in moving, but having moved a lot as a kid, there’s a part of me that still finds moving kind of exciting. Given that our house is pretty tiny and we’re expanding our family, a move could be a good thing for us too.

But wait a minute. There’s the catch. We’re expanding our family. Our due date is only 3 months away.

Back in 2008, we were expecting Noa and we made the decision to move the same month that she arrived. We didn’t just move to a new house; we moved to a new community and in the process left behind my sister and her kids who were virtually like Rain’s siblings. We also moved out of our bus and into a real house. Inflicting this many changes on our not-quite-three-year-old all at once was more than he could handle. He had a very hard time adjusting. We vowed not to do that again.

We had committed to keep our kids’ lives as consistent as possible for at least 3-4 months on either side of our due date.

But this month we found ourselves only thinking about what WE (the adults) might be capable of. My pregnancy is going smoothly. I am feeling well. I am feeling physically capable of moving. I can rationalize and consider the benefits of moving now. I can intellectually separate the move from the birth of our baby. As a parent, I can welcome a baby with unconditional love. I have moved many times in my life and am capable of adapting to new surroundings. As we ran out of options for December 1st rentals, we found ourselves looking at January 1st opportunities and caught ourselves rationalizing that we could make that happen. It wouldn’t be so bad.

Except for that little voice in the back of my head that kept telling me that this isn’t a good idea.

I had to keep reminding myself that little people, while resilient, need consistency in their lives. I had to remember that the question is not what we are capable of, but what are our kids capable of. The truth is that in many ways asking a 5 year old and a 2 year old to welcome another family member is a pretty big deal. It doesn’t seem fair to also ask them to cope with:

  • having all of their things packed into boxes
  • a week of driving back and forth from house to house
  • the boredom while mom and dad pack and clean
  • the late nights and late dinners associated with moving
  • learning to get used to the sounds and smells of a new house
  • losing the comfort of home (during the wait until the new house feels like home)

Moving now, or anytime in the next 6 months, is not the best decision for my kids and my intuition was telling me that every time I looked up rental listings on craigslist and felt overwhelming panic.

So I told our landlord that we couldn’t do it.

Guess what happened? She was fine with it. And I feel a hundred times better for having listened to that little voice.

When have you had to learn a lesson for the second (or third, or fourth…) time?

What I Learned This Month posts are inspired by Amber of Strocel.com. View this month’s link-up on her site to see what she and her participants learned in November 2010.

2 Comments

  1. Thanks for the update! I saw your tweet about potentially moving on Twitter, and I was wondering how it had played out.

    I’m glad you listened to your intuition, and I’m glad that your landlord was OK with it. And I hope (trust) that when you do move, you will find just the right home for your soon-to-be family of 5. 🙂
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..What I Learned in November 2010 =-.
    Twitter: AmberStrocel

  2. I love your decision. I also love the way you came to the conclusion of your decision. It really is a lot to welcome a new baby or to move. It is overwhelming to little ones to have to do both! So glad your landlord was understanding! Good luck with the new arrival. 🙂
    .-= Cathy´s last blog ..A Givans Christmas =-.

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