Trust

Posted on Jan 22, 2010 in Featured, Simple Living | 7 comments

 

My sister and I have a plan to live together again. When we moved in July 2008, we (Aaron and I) essentially put our son and my sister’s kids through a divorce. They had grown up together, almost like siblings. The adults almost like surrogate parents, not merely aunts and uncle. Then we moved 4 hours away from them. It is still a little heartbreaking when I think of the poor kids that summer.

We started making a plan to be together again. The plan is pretty detailed; more than I will get into here, now. I used to call it The Pipe Dream but lately it has become The Potential Pipe Dream in my mind. How pathetic is that? It’s not just a dream, it’s an unrealistic dream? And not even that for sure, just potentially? My sister teases me about this, and I do see the humour in it; but, it’s indicative of my state of mind.

I struggle with the feasibility of The Plan in general given our financial situation but also because it feels like The Plan will make some of my other dreams and goals impossible. I’ve begun to question what it is that I really want. What am I willing to sacrifice? Where can I compromise? What is most important to me? I’ve been feeling like I just don’t know.

At the beginning of January, I wrote about my hopes for this year. I wrote that I hoped 2010 would be the year where I get clarity, where I would discover my VISION. I also started exploring Mondo Beyondo. I missed out on the registration for the January session but in March I’m planning to tackle the 5 week online course in DREAMING BIG. The website explains that the course is for anyone but the more outrageous the dream the better.

I asked myself: “What is my most outrageous dream?

And you know what? I know the answer. I know exactly what I want to be doing in fifteen years. This was no general statement like “I want to retire” (which isn’t my dream, by the way). I know in explicit detail what my most outrageous dream is. Without a doubt.

Thinking back to Christine Kane’s Word of the Year tool, I realised that maybe VISION isn’t really the word for this year. It’s not vision that I am lacking. It’s FAITH. The reason I am waffling on The Plan is because the part of me that is scared and doubtful doesn’t believe we can do it.

Here we are: three weeks into the New Year and I’m already re-evaluating my Intentions. Sheesh.

So then. This might be the year called Believe. The year called Trust. The year called Faith.

I still don’t know how to make The Plan a reality. Breaking it all down into manageable, bite-size, achievable goals is going to take some time. But I do know the first step is to stop calling it The Potential Pipe Dream. The second step is to Trust.

This post was written to participate in the Crafting My Life series at Strocel.com.

7 Comments

  1. I love this post. Love. It. I think we all need more faith. I also think that most of us know what we want, but we’re afraid to trust it. I hope that Mondo Beyondo, and your own journeying, help you to find it. I am still working on mine, but I think that even acknowledging the intention to work on that is important. And, with time, it’s less shocking and scary to say.
    .-= Amber´s last blog ..What is This Post About Again? =-.
    Twitter: AmberStrocel

    • Thanks Amber. I’ve been enjoying the Crafting My Life series a lot because I can certainly identify with a lot of what you are writing about. I’m looking forward to seeing how your vision unfolds.

  2. Hey! I hope to be Mondo Beyondoing with you in March!
    .-= harrietglynn´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.

  3. Oh, I loved reading this and yet at the same time it’s so sad in a way. Not boo hoo sad, but oh know I can feel that lack of faith feeling so closely and it’s, yeah, sad. Faith to you! Exicted to found your blog through Amber’s link up!
    .-= Shannon´s last blog ..Dreaming My Life =-.

  4. Oh my goodness, I blogged on faith as well. That is so odd. I must have subconsciously picked it up from you. Oh well, we agree!
    .-= harrietglynn´s last blog ..Wordless Wednesday =-.

  5. Faith. That is what I lack too. Sometimes. I guess my faith is fleeting. I really love this post.
    .-= Marilyn´s last blog ..Figuring Things Out =-.
    Twitter: MBels

  6. I believe that having a vision already is a first big step. Hope you’ll find faith, and your big plan will become a reality little by little.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

CommentLuv badge